CLIFFORD GUNCOTTON| Musings | Contact
In a disastrous move for own personal efficiency, Betoota woman Geraldine Mason (33) has accidentally moved an application on her phone’s home screen.
“I just don’t know what’s going on,” she says, “I go to open my banking app and end up with the fucking owl from Duolingo yelling at me for skipping French lessons.”
Such a disturbance in her daily routine has left her equal parts distressed and disoriented.
“I haven’t felt this turned-about since my dad shaved his beard off when I was 8,” she recalls.
“It’s like stepping into the upside-down from Stranger Things. Everything is so familiar but distorted. The camera app is now on the right hand edge of the screen.”
“How the fuck am I supposed to deal with that?”
Such a small change on her iPhone has rendered her use of the device awkward and stilted, requiring her to carefully assess what app she intends to open.
“I look like my fucking dad when he tries to use whatever bullshit no-name phone he uses.”
“I’ll have to get my glasses next.”
Despite a seemingly easy problem to resolve and quickly remedied by a brief period of adjustment, her attempts to return her phone to ‘true zero’ have proved fruitless.
“I’ve gone through all my photos looking for an accidental screenshot of the homescreen. But nothing,” she sighs. “I’ve got photos from three months ago of where I parked my car at the shops, but not this.”
“Jesus Christ,” Geraldine exclaims. “They should make sure you’re certain before moving these things. Make me identify buses or pedestrian crossings or motorbikes in pictures or something. A warning tone. A flashing light. Anything.”
“Instead they just wiggle a bit, you nudge them with your thumb and your whole world is upended.”
“This is absolutely the worst thing to happen to me all week,” she groaned.
“Except this message I got from my sister – I’ll show you,” she said, unlocking her phone.
“Oh wait. Fuck.”
