EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact
A millennial woman has today announced to her friends that she wants a relationship like ‘Morticia and Gomez’, despite having always run a mile from any bloke who showed too much interest in her.
Darcey Furlan was overheard having this train of thought at the bustling Keg and Brew cafe this morning, having spent her weekend revisiting some of her favourite childhood movies/superior remakes – The Addams Family (1991) and The Brady Bunch Movie (1995).
Opting for her favourite conversational topic (lamenting about the state of the world), Darcey had loudly decreed that she’d love ‘nothing more than a man who worshipped the ground she walked on’ but that ‘Australian blokes just don’t have the passion.”
“I just want someone OBSESSED with me”, said Darcey, likely only referring to the acceptable level of obsessive behaviour found in fictional books, which was performed by a stupidly handsome rich man/underground figure/vampire, and not, say, Travis from the local servo, “I want that all consuming love.”
“Imagine being that loved”, she added, despite sabotaging every opportunity she had to be in a loving relationship.
“…Maybe I should move to Paris.”
More to come.
