CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
“That’s what the call it everywhere else!!” he screamed, his index finger hovering above the trigger of his handgun.
“CALL IT FOOTBALL”
“IT’S FOOTBALL”
This is what witnesses recall seeing happening in a Brisbane pub earlier today, after a local soccer guy heard someone describe soccer as ‘soccer’.
Police say a gun was drawn as this very Australian term triggered a very public meltdown from the soccer guy, who has spent a lifetime correcting people for using the wrong terminology when describing his beloved game.
Patrons inside the pub say it was nothing more than a harmless conversation between friends about Australia’s womens soccer side, when a self-declared ‘football fan’ overhead the use of the most taboo word in the world game.
“IT’S ACTUAL NAME IS FOOTBALL” interrupted the erratic soccer guy from the bar, who was eavesdropping on the conversation ever since he heard mention of Sam Kerr’s name.
“SOCCER ISN’T A WORD”
“NOWHERE ELSE IN THE WORLD CALLS IT THAT”
At this point, it was unclear to the group of strangers if this soccer guy really did care that much about the Australian vernacular, or if he was just hoping that by saying ‘football’ – Australia will magically transform into Barcelona and our stadiums will immediately fill with roaring hypernationalist fans who actually take the game seriously.
But by the time he pulled a gun, it became clear this wasn’t just a slight cultural cringe from a wannabe-European, but actually a deep-seated issue he has with the world.
“SAY FOOTBALL” He says, as the crowd screams and ducks under tables.
“SAY FOOTBALL”
“SAY FUCKING FOOTBALL”
The soccer guy then put the gun to his temple.
“SAY IT! FUCKING SAY IT”
A good samaritan wrestles the gun off him from behind.
“Haha. You soccers guys are so weird.” said one panting stranger.
“Football, or whatever you call it, is not footy”
“Rugby league and AFL is football”
“Rugby union is also a type of football”
“Soccer is not”
