CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
While the vultures of rugby league journalism continue to make up bullshit stories about a senior player coup to take down NRL chairman Peter V’Landys, the game’s administrators insist that the new high-shot rules will appy to the State Of Origin series as well.
There has been a drastic spike in sin-bins for dangerous contact in the fixtures since Magic Round, with the match review committee coming down equally as hard to suspend players for weeks at a time.
NRL CEO Andrew Abdo and V’Landys have insisted the new rules will remain in place for Game I of Origin next wednesday.
However, the grog-rotten journalistic megabrains like James Hooper and Paul Kent are continuing to generate propaganda surrounding a player revolt against the game’s executives for their heavy-handed efforts to prevent them from forgetting their own kids names before they turn 50.
This does not appear to be the case in the Maroons camp today, as the Queensland enforcers begin practicing new ways to incapictate their opponents without using flying shoulders to cause brain trauma at 70 kilometres an hour.
As the Queenslanders head into camp with the newly announced squad, it seems the lads are today learning the intricacies of the human anatomy.
Ahead of his fourth Origin appearance, Maroons prop Tino ‘Big Country’ Fa’asuamaleaui has today figured out the exact angles and force required to burst a man’s spleen with a completely legal tackle.
As Gympie’s favourite son, Big Country made headlines last series when he caused a mighty brouhaha in the final minutes of Game II – cementing himself as one of the last usos you would want to fuck with on a football field.
But this year he’s even more dangerous, after discovering how to maim an opponent by using his shoulders to cause organ failure.
“These new rules don’t mean shit to me. When they go high, we go low” taunted Big Country in a press conference earlier today.
“Oh Payneyyyyy”
“Come out and play-ey-ay”
“I’m gonna pop your spleen, uce”
The Queensland coaching staff have denied the widely reported claims that they have hired several doctors from The Royal Brisbane Hospital to help educate their forwards on how to turn an opponent off without even hitting them above the collarbone.
MORE TO COME.
