LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
One of the all time footy brains of the NRL was not available so Phil ‘Gus’ Gould will be commentating the Grand Final instead.
The genius behind pieces of commentary as ‘you don’t stop growing until you’re 26,’ ‘no no no no no’ and ‘Josh Addo-Carr is the fastest man on the planet’ x4, Gus will be making footy casuals and diehards alike scratch their heads this Sunday evening.
And to prepare for the big dance, Gus has begun his pre-commentary ritual of bashing his head against a brick wall to ensure he is in the right headspace to commentate.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” yelled Gus as he repeatedly bloodied his head on a wall which already bore the dents from several years of use.
“And there will be no bias from yours truly tonight, go the Panthers.”After self administering several of what Blocker Roach would call ‘an old home-down boner’, Gus bandaged his head, failed an HIA and made his way to the commentary box.
“Lots of long hair in the game these days,” stated Gus, unaware he was watching the NRLW grand final.
“I just hope those double barrelled pony tail chodes at the bunker don’t mess up this game of my footy like they always do.”
“You know they offered me a job at the bunker once but I turned it down because they refused my conditions of working with a live grenade.”
At the time of writing it is believed Gus might have slightly damaged his eye sight as he claimed there were no fewer than three Nathan Clearys on field during the warm up and commended all three from being involved in every play.
MORE TO COME.
