23 March, 2016. 16:34
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
IN WHAT STARTED OUT in such dramatic and Fijian circumstances, now has all the hallmarks of a Labor-eque swan dive into political annihilation.
For countless years, hedge fund manager Bruce O’Gorman says he couldn’t wait for his old friend Malcolm Turnbull become prime minister. The Member for Wentworth was supposed to herald a new beginning for Australia – in particular, the professional centre-left who like putting Class A prohibited substances in their bloodstream and driving luxury cars.
But that socialist-of-convenience pipedream could soon be over.
“Continuity and change,” said the 68-year-old banker. “I mean, fuck my mouth. What the fuck does that even mean?”
O’Gorman’s concerns now lie with the member of Turnbull’s staff who pretended to coin the term, after it was discovered that the electoral phrase was first used on Veep, an HBO comedy program starring Julia Louis-Dreyfus, in which she played a hapless presidential candidate.
“I don’t know what to think now. Now that Mal’s fucked everything up, who else is there to vote for?”
Bruce isn’t alone in his opinion, with many other 60-something professional men now left to pick up the pieces of their shattered dreams.
Pausing to reflect on Turnbull’s sudden downturn in popularity, popular Charleville orthopaedic surgeon Greg Manbulloo stopped to reflect on what went wrong during one of his many smoke breaks of the morning.
The 61-year-old rural medical practitioner was looking forward to a period of stability in Australian politics that hasn’t been enjoyed since the nation turned their collective back on John Howard in 2007.
“We were so close, now us old codgers have to pick another politician to love,” he said.
“I’m getting too old to fall in love. You’d be fucked if anybody would vote for Pyne or Abbott. I’d vote for Joe. Scott Morrison can just go and get fucked. That slow-looking wok-eyed cunt running our borders now is a no hoper. Malcolm was supposed to save us from Labor, not let them in the front door,”
“Continuity and Change” doesn’t have to mean anything. That’s the point. What Malcolm the Magnificent has realised is that a party gets elected on the votes of the most stupid. There are entrenched blocks that vote Liberal, Nats, Labor and Greens. They are fixed and somewhat evenly balanced. The ones who tip the balance are the nose picking morons who haven’t got a clue.
The way to flatter a stupid person is to come out with something idiotic and make out as though they understand. That’s what Malcolm the Magnificent does. If he ever looks aloof it is his style of ‘detached engagement’.