CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
In yet another win for the anti-vaxxer movement, it seems the fears of Australia’s NRL WAGs have been once again been proven correct today.
This comes after a 26-year-old man Tugun man began experiencing permanent changes in his neurological functions.
Close friends and family of fringe Gold Titans hooker, Wayde Slade, say it is undeniable that the footballer is no longer the man he used to be.
His fiancé, Sianna-Marie says that her hubby-to-be was absolutely fine until he was forced into the NRL’s oppressive COVID-19 quarantine program that asks all players to take part in the greatest medical achievement in modern history and allow health experts to immunise them against common strains of influenza.
However, in a rare departure from the usual scenario where heavily botoxed instagram influencers diagnose the side effects of vaccines themselves, based off shit they read on Youtube – it seems that Wayde’s newfound neurodiversity has also been confirmed by medical professionals.
Club doctors for the Gold Coast Titans have today confirmed Wayde Slade as the latest case of an NRL star developing never before seen cognitive skills as a result of contracting autism from their mandatory flu jabs.
“It has today been confirmed that Wayde Slade was seen reading a novel in the club locker rooms” read a statement from the Titans.
It is believed that medical staff first became alerted to the footballer’s autistic mannerisms after learning that Wade had not only learnt to read, but was also beginning to show interest in space and planets and shit.
These new behaviours come as a stark contrast to his usual post-training activities, which usually consists of him filming TikTok videos and DMing sex workers.
“Player welfare liaisons have since been directed to work with Slade and his young family to offer any support needed as they work to forge a new future with the permanent changes in his brain.” said the Club.
Sianna-Marie, a former chocolate milk promo girl who met Wayde at a cocaine fuelled bender 18 months ago, says their family will never be same.
“First, he started doing our taxes without any hurdles. Now he’s reading books. This is not the man I agreed to marry in a viral video at the Ivy rooftop pool bar last year”
Wayde’s relatively impressive boost in brain power joins a growing list of NRL-related vaccine injuries that successfully debunk the instagram-charged stigmatisation and dehumanisation of autistic people.
Last week it was confirmed that Sydney Roosters prop Jared Waerea-Hargreaves was able to accurately sketch the entire Sydney CBD, street by street, after only one helicopter ride over the city.
It was also been reported that Bulldogs enforcer Dylan Napa has become a world champion chess player since contracting autism from his flu shot last Thursday. He is expected to represent Australia in the international chess championships in Yekatirinburg, Russia later this year, where he will face reigning World Champ, Magnus Carlsen.
MORE TO COME.
