ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
The World Anti-Doping Agency (WADA) has announced an investigation into allegations that Australian swimmers have been “doping” their breakfast with bananas and honey, following explosive claims made by Chinese sports officials. This comes on the heels of intense scrutiny and criticism from Australia regarding the Chinese swimming team’s doping scandals.
Chinese officials have alleged that the Australian swim team has been engaging in a “performance-enhancing breakfast ritual,” involving the consumption of Weet-Bix with bananas and honey syrup. According to an anonymous source within the Chinese delegation, this breakfast combination is said to provide “unfair energy boosts and enhanced endurance” that have given Australian athletes an edge in the pool.
“We have credible information suggesting that Australian swimmers have been consuming this high-energy breakfast mix for years,” said a Chinese sports official in a statement.
“Just look at the likes of Brett Lee, who would eat 10 Weet-Bix, a full pint of milk and five bananas before going out to bowl. It was not fair! While it may sound innocent, the combination of natural sugars from the banana and the syrup’s glycemic index can significantly impact an athlete’s performance. This raises serious questions about the integrity of their victories.”
The Australian swimming team has vehemently denied these allegations, calling them “utterly ridiculous” and “a desperate attempt to distract from ongoing doping scandals involving Chinese athletes.” A source close to the Australian swim team told The Advocate “it’s just a bit of fruit and tree blood, it’s not something that makes you beat everyone by a full second in a slow pool.”
WADA has confirmed that it will look into the claims, although officials have privately expressed skepticism about the plausibility of the allegations.
“We take all accusations seriously, the use of banana in particular is a real cause for concern,” said a WADA spokesperson.
“You can’t be eating 20 bananas before a race, we had to change that after Peter Siddle eat 55 bananas in a single sitting, on his birthday, and then proceeded to take a hatrick. We to change the rules after that.”
In a shocking twist, the source close to the Australian Swim Team has confirmed that the bananas currently on offer in the athletes village are grown in China.
“If anything shows up in routine screening, we can just say it’s from our team eating tainted Chinese bananas.”
More to come.
