ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
The people of our nation’s prosperous West were left clutching their ears this weekend as the world’s most annoying accent made a triumphant return to the city, dominating both the rugby field and the Octagon.
The South African accent, known for its peculiar blend of extremely harsh nasal tones and silly sharp inflections, was inescapable throughout the city as the Springboks cruised to a decisive victory over the Wallabies in the Rugby Championship. Fans might have hoped that the post-match celebrations would signal the end of the auditory assault, but Perth’s torment had only just begun.
Just hours after the rugby win, South Africa’s other pride and joy, UFC Middleweight Champion Dricus du Plessis, took to the Octagon at UFC 305, where he submitted Israel Adesanya in the fourth round. The fight, already highly anticipated, was made even more memorable by the guttural shouts of Du Plessis’ supporters, whose vocal cords seemed determined to remind everyone within a 10 square kilometre radius of their heritage.
“Everywhere you went, there it was—’Aweh, bru!’ and ‘Howzit!’ echoing in your ears,” said one Perth resident who preferred to remain anonymous for fear of reprisals from die-hard Springboks fans.
“I thought it couldn’t get any worse after the rugby, but then Du Plessis walked out with Eben Etzebeth and Siya Kolisi. The arena was just a sea of green jerseys and South African accents. It was like being trapped in a never-ending braai.”
Local pubs and bars across the city were reportedly packed with South Africans, all eager to relive the twin victories through an endless loop of post-game analysis, punctuated by the kind of banter that only their compatriots could fully appreciate.
“Yarr,” said one.
“My daddy came to Perth with nothing but the clothes on his back and a colon full of smuggled emeralds. Howzit!”
Perth’s tourism board, meanwhile, is said to be considering offering free earplugs to residents during future events where South African teams or athletes are expected to participate.
“It’s all in good fun, of course,” added a spokesperson for the board.
“We love having them here, we all know 9 in 10 people in Perth are actually from South Africa. Only to tough ones stayed in South Africa, all the pussies left and came here when it got a little bit dangerous.”
More to come.
