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With the manipulated Australian property market out of reach for anyone trying to pull themselves up by their boot straps, and wage growth stalling for decades, The nation’s economic divide is not lost on anyone but the wealth-hoarding boomers who once called themselves HoWarD’s BaTtLeRs.
Those Australians who came of age in the years after military conscription was discontinued were also able to take advantage of free university and, a thriving job market and an egalitarian housing market that was just waiting to be exploited by low-effort investors.
And now they cannot seem to understand why young people are trapped in poorly built apartment blocks, with no backyards and no beach holidays. They cannot understand that all of things are no longer a reality. And will not ever be – for the vast majority of young Australians.
Here are 8 icons that once represented the aspirational Australian middle class, but now symbolise nothing but generational wealth/and or foreign money.
And as we find ourselves paralysed in this unresolvable Victorian-era nightmare – where Australia’s media, economy and politics are completely underpinned by the ponzi scheme of property speculation – don’t expect to get any of these back either.
1. A treehouse
Once the idyllic childhood symbol of the large home owning Australian dream. Usually built with supplies that dad has smuggled off the worksite in the tray of his Holden ute.
It was a place for a child’s imagination to thrive. From the young’ns hosting tea parties and sleepovers, to the teenage son closely examining the creative writing in Penthouse Magazines by himself.
Sadly, nowadays, the treehouse has now become a sinister totem for the few victors of late stage capitalism that can afford the luxury of actually owning their own tree.
2. Watching the Wallabies
While the fancier cousin to rugby league has historically been reserved for the top end of town, it’s hard to imagine that much of middle Australia once genuinely rallied behind our national rugby team when it came to challenging the Kiwis at the one thing they excel at. This was when the code was made up of country boys and suburban club footy legends.
Nowadays, rugby union’s middle class audience is mostly made up of immigrants. A mixture of the Islander parents of star players that have been reluctantly recruited outside of the private school system – and Saffas who are looking for some comedic relief.
3. Op-Shopping
Once a go-to for larger families doing last-minute school uniform shopping, the rise of reselling trendy vintage clothes on sites like has now turned op-shops into a honey pot for the descendants of Australia’s neoliberal urban gentrifiers.
This has seen op-shopping turn into ‘vintage shopping’ – which leaves ordinary people rummaging through pre-loved clothing that originally came from Lowes and Target. Affordable? Yes. Treasures? No.
While you might still be able to nab the occasional bargain at a Vinnies or Red Cross. It’s unlikely you’ll stumble upon any hidden treasures, as that donated Isabella Fiori bag has already been snatched up by Depop resellers.
4. Going to French Polynesia
The ultimate prize for any 1990s Australian games show, holidaying in French Polynesia has become financially out of reach for most Australians. Noumea exists in the Australian psyche has nothing more than a distant memory of the glorious era when Ansett had QANTAS on the ropes.
New Caledonia doesn’t even get a look in anymore. It’s Bora Bora or Tahiti getting all the love. Secluded destinations for influencers who have had their flights and accommodation paid for with a Mastercard campaign. Either that, or those weird rich people who send their kids to French-speaking schools.
5. The mullet.
Bold haircuts are cyclical. They start with street kids on the corner, then infiltrated football through the working class grassroots programs, then they slowly get adopted by rock bands, and then uni students, and eventually end up in the main stream.
The Australian ‘mullet’ has done this three times. 1970s, 1990s, 2010s. At this stage of it’s renaissance, it’s now facing the death rattle of mainstreamisation.
The haircut that once represented the rebellious spirit of the Australian working man has now been appropriated and made mainstream by the only group that could get away with making mullets mainstream, rich little white cunts that work corporate jobs.
6. Dad going to the racetrack for a cheeky punt
The once honest act of studying the form guide, saving up a bit of walking around money, and finding some favourable odds from the trackside bookies is not really a thing anymore.
Sadly, it has now been substituted by the much safer option of mobile sports betting, after a decade of unregulated ad campaigns and hardcore political lobbying. Dad doesn’t even know when the big race days are happening anymore, because he’s too busy betting on Thai women’s soccer at 2am.
Any of the average Aussie dads who do venture out to the races, end up finding themselves sandwiched between animal rights advocates and drunken property developers who are up to their eyeballs in heavily cut cocaine. Besides, at $14 a schooner, who the fuck is going to the races unless they’ve got a mate who can get them into the members.
7. The in-ground pool
Much like the treehouse, this glorious icon of the middle class Australian summer has now become the ultimate status symbol for wealthy people that don’t really swim in it.
The in-ground pool exists purely as a ‘holographic’ value-add for property investors who flip family homes like multi-million dollar pokeman cards. Some people will even sacrifice the backyard just to put one it. And still they don’t swim in it – despite paying someone to maintain the perfect chlorine to salt ratio all year round.
You don’t even need a ‘pool boy; in this day and age. There’s robots that do all that shit for you. But then again, who would mum talk to over a few wines while her Filipino helper is running errands.
8. A real Christmas tree
As more and more distance has grown between Aussies and the dead British colonisers, who were determined to maintain a British way of life in our sweltering desert rock. The tradition of actually having a genuine Christmas tree has started to fade.
While American movies have kept the idea of pretending to have a winter Christmas in a 35-degree summer alive, nowadays, middle-class Australia is content with the artificial pine tree in the living room. Or a branch of a gum tree painted silver – for some reason.
Only the most well-to-do Australians still turn their noses up at the artificial thing and continue with the “the cozy smell of a real Christmas tree”. It’s always very funny in late January, when these sappy and smelly things can be seen upside down in those green bins that only exist in nice neighbourhoods.
