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Former Prime Minister Tony Abbott MP has today decided to get the gang back together, as he leads a Liberal party backbencher faction against Turnbull’s decision to focus on making sure the earth still exists after he dies.
Gracing the floors of his secret Canberra cryogenic chambers, Mr Abbott says he swore he’d never have to do this again, but unfortunately desperate measures are needed in a political environment that chooses to listen to 90% scientists.
This comes as a coalition party room meeting had to be extended into Tuesday evening to debate a report by Chief Scientist Alan Finkel which, amongst other recommendations for the nation’s electricity system, proposes a clean energy target.
Abbott says this is the reason he has decided to unfreeze his right-wing Liberal party allies, such as Eric Abetz, Craig Kelly and Senator Brandis.
“All this talk of climate change and sustainable energy has my wealthy and ageing constituents very nervous” says Abbot.
Abbott says although he contemplated unfreezing his ageing senior Liberal party backbenchers during the last eighteen gay marriage debates, he’s never really felt as irrelevant as he does right now, which is why he’s fighting back.
“Why should we have to appease the hysteria of younger people who don’t understand all this climate change stuff is just propaganda aimed at compromising their bank balances of my close friends in the mining industry”
Eric Abetz, who has been frozen since 2014 when the Abbott government chose to abolish the Carbon Tax, says it feels good to be back.
“Yipi-kay-aye Motherfuckers” he said.
“Guess who’s back?”
