ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
“Is this supposed to impress me?” he asked nobody in particular.
“Snow? I’d be on a bucks in Saudi Arabia!”
Gently rocking in the breeze with a dozen name-brand party pies slowly leaving his stomach, Sam Pearson slumped back in his hammock and laughed softly to himself.
He’d just flicked through his Instagram stories for the day and all four of his friends who are currently living in Europe’s move overrated city, London, have put the city’s recent snowfall on their social media streams.
The 29-year-old marginally-employed handyman spoke briefly to The Advocate this afternoon while he and our reporter took time out of their busy afternoons of throwing rocks at the Coles trucks entering town from the Birdsville highway.
“Coles and Wesfarmers are ruining small business in this town, Errol,” said Sam as he scored a direct hit on a Bunnings truck windscreen.
“Got him.”
Our reporter agreed. Coles, Bunnings and Kmart have decimated small business in Betoota and everybody needs to boycott them now.
“But perhaps almost killing the truck drivers is a bit much. They’re just doing their job. But we got the Greyhounds out of Betoota. The drivers refuse to come here now. Anyway, where were we?”
Sam suddenly remembered what he was talking about.
“Oh yeah, the snow. Why do so many directionless 20-somethings end up in London? Do they think it’ll answer all their questions? Solve all their problems? You’ll still have to deal with the same shit, just thousands of miles away from your friends and family.”
“But it snows, which makes things way, way worse. Look, Errol. A First Choice Liquor truck! Do you remember when we used to rob these like highwaymen? Those were the days.”
More to come.
