Anonymous Op-Ed: I Am Part Of The Resistance In The Morrison Government And I Have No Eyebrows

The Advocate is taking a rare step and publishing an anonymous Op-Ed essay. We have done this at the request of the author, a Liberal MP with no eyebrows whose identity is known to us and whose job would be jeopardised by its disclosure as well as his low approval ratings for prefered PM, marginal lead on his seat and the general disdain most Australians have for him.

Prime Minister Morrison is facing a challenge unlike any other Australian Prime Minister has faced in recent weeks.

As a front bench MP and an Australian, so shocked was I by Morrison’s rise to power that the surprise was visible even on my blank, expressionless, eyebrow-free face.

Now I am part of a team working tirelessly to bring Prime Minister Scott Morrison down.

We are a team made up of passionate career politicians who want to bring Morrison down so one of us can have a turn at being Prime Minister for the first or second time.

To be clear, ours is not the popular “resistance” of the left. We hate those elistists with their Q&A sessions, soy lattes and rich, illustrious eyebrows. Our resistance is one based on restoring balance by installing myself as PM, or another guy who isn’t Scott Morrison to teach him a lesson about backstabbing.

The root of the problem isn’t the PM’s amorality. In fact, as Prime Minister, I promise to be much harder on transgender kids than he could ever dream of being and I will withdraw from the Paris Agreement faster than a Young Lib having his first root with a senior staffer.

Don’t get me wrong. Sco-Mo isn’t a shit bloke. Get a couple of Fat Yaks into him and he can even put a smile on my terrifyingly wooden face.

The problem is, he is Prime Minister and I really want to be Prime Minister so I can get over my lack of eyebrows and basic human decency.

This quiet resistance will soon rise to remind Australians that there are still politicians out there who put their pension first.

But the real difference will be made by everyday citizens rising above politics, reaching across the floor and resolving to shed the labels in favour of a single one: white, male conservatives with or without eyebrows.

Meanwhile, these left-wing elitists sit there and complain about skilled French Au Pairs and working class Argentinian Polo Players being allowed to enter this country.