CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Local man Tim Blaxland has today had to endure the extreme displeasure of getting his moneys worth out of an Apple product that seems to have gone to shit.
This now means he has to visit the Apple Genius Bar, which he presumed was a walk-in type operation, but has since found out it’s actually something you should book.
The Genius Bar is a technical support service provided by Apple Inc. inside Apple Stores to support the use of their products and services. The locations provide concierge-style, face-to-face support for customers from “Geniuses” who are specially trained and certified by Apple – while also lacking the most basic people skills that you would expect from a mechanic or even a GP.
As someone with one of these culty products who lives near the four locations in a major city that Apple have decided captures the vast majority of the Australian population, Tim must now cop the inconvenience of taking an hour out of his work day to visit one of these so-called geniuses.
What he has learnt is that the staff at the genius bar are very much geniuses – but not like Jonathan Thurston or Martin Scorsese type geniuses – they are the Oppenheimer type geniuses.
Maybe they can’t build a nuclear bomb, but they can solve just about any Apple-related issue presented to them, while also making everyone around them feel uncomfortable and offended.
“Oh I know what’s wrong here” said one of the geniuses, who does very little to explain what he’s discovered before disappearing behind a wall with Tim’s faulty Apple product for 34 minutes
As he stands there idly for the best part of an hour, Tim then sees his assigned genius eating a cup 2 of minute noodles behind an open door and playing on his phone.
Another ten minutes goes by before he returns with another genius, and begins working to assess the problems that some other customer has brought to them.
He then disappears again.
At 52 minutes, Tim spots his genius making his way for the door in civilian clothes with a vape in his hand, before they catch eyes. This causes the genius to sprint back to the opposite end of the genius bar with his hands behind his back and begin frantically talking to some other nerd.
The original genius has now remembered his previous task, and sent over yet another genius to explain to Tim what is wrong, after realising how awkward it would be for him to return with a product that took ten minutes to fix before he got distracted, and eventually clocked off to inhale some fruity nicotine vapour.
