LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
Gambling machine manufacturer Aristocrat Leisure Ltd. announced today that they too would do their bit to fight COVID-19 by gifting all frontline health workers 10 free spins on any of their poker machines.
The news has come as a huge relief to the overtired masses of healthcare individuals who risk their safety to help treat a pandemic.
According to Betoota Adventist Hospital Registered Nurse Ava Javier (62), she has been offered free coffee from cafes, discounted groceries and free phone service but this offer from Aristocrat has been the most generous and sustaining so far.
“It was nice for Optus to offer me free calls but considering the quality of their coverage they should have been offering me that to me every month,” stated Javier from behind a surgical mask she had to uppercut a co-worker for.
“I’m going to put these slaps to good use and no one can tell me otherwise.”
A spokesperson from Aristocrat denied the free spin initiative was a marketing ploy, stating that gambling machine manufacturers and health workers have always been close allies, now more than ever.
“We’re both suffering right now, that’s for sure,” stated Aristocrat marketing manager Desmond Dooley (55).
“Every hospital is home to at least one surgeon who was forced to sell black market morphine after pissing their mortgage down Queen of the Nile. This is our way of saying thank you to them during these tough and uncertain times. After all, there’s nothing more certain than losing your hard-earned with us.”
