WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT
American superstar Billie Eilish has today been identified as the culprit responsible for causing the current nationwide shortage of blue hair dye.
This comes after a report was released by the Betoota Anthropological Society (BAS) earlier this week, revealing that there has been a 4500% uptick in blue hairstyles getting around.
Looking for answers, the BAS’ lead researcher said after some extensive examination of causal factors for the new trend, they identified the 17-year-old Californian musician as the definitive cause.
“Teachers and people associated with teenagers around the country have all noticed a blue wave talking over our nation’s schools,” the researcher said.
“And after some work, we discovered that the young woman behind the hit songs bad guy, bury a friend and Owl Eyes, was responsible for blue hair dye selling out around the country.”
That finding has led to formal charges being laid against the singer, with future tours now in doubt and the strength of Australia’s Extradition Treaty with the US set to be called into question.
The BAS has however voiced it’s concern regarding those charges.
“We’ve written to the DPP asking those charges be dropped, and that while the return of the blue hair outside of Fitzroy, Newtown, West End and the French Quarter is unfortunate, Eilish should not be made a scapegoat.”
