ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A study into the driving habits of fucking idiots has concluded that people who drive around with a tissue box on their dashboard are fucking useless and probably should just get the fucking bus.
The joint study commissioned by the NRMA and RACQ focused the small group of people who think it’s acceptable to operate a motor vehicle like they’re six thousand years old and blind.
Closer to home, the study’s findings were verified by a French Quarter driver who our reporter spotted this morning with a Kleenex box on their dash.
The motorist was attempting to merge across two lanes of traffic and when they couldn’t, they simply stopped in the middle lane with their indicator on expecting people to fucking stop.
And they did.
A few hundred meters up, the motorist pulled into a petrol station and The Advocate was able to speak to them briefly about what just happened.”
“I have the tissues on my dash because I have hayfever,” said the moron.
“And I’m just not confident merging. People just get so angry on the road, can’t we all just take a chill pill?”
When asked if he’d ever been criticised for how he operates a motorcar, the owner said he had.
“I’ve been pulled out of my car and flogged with a length of dog chain a few times,” he said.
“But I think that’s because I accidentally ran up the back of a Gypsy Joker guy on his stupid motorbike. I asked him if he had insurance and he just hit me upside the chin with a bit of reo bar he had down his boot,”
“So angry.”
More to come.
