ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
He’s about four weeks from being homeless but only 48 hours away from starving.
Faced with the prospect of having no money, no home and no food, Kade Derrigan said he had to put his thinking hat on as to where he was going to spend the last of his dosh.
The 25-year-old theatre student by day and hotel worker by night decided to purchase a quality kitchen knife with his last $20 – something he said he didn’t want to do but was largely forced.
“I don’t know what else to do,” he said.
“There’s a lot of yuppies who’ve moved into the French Quarter. They all have money and most of them are cowards. So I got a knife. I’ve still got a balaclava from last year’s St Patrick’s Day costume party I went to. I went as a young Gerry Adams! Ah! Better times,”
“Anyway, my plan is to wait until nightfall. Wait for some drunk, RM boot-wearing corporate fuckboy to come stumbling down the street. Smack him upside the back of the head with a trolley pole and take his wallet. Then I’ll go to that corner store with the broken CCTV camera and stock up on cigarettes and luncheon log. I don’t smoke but they seem valuable,”
“Then, I guess I’ll need some food. So I’ll wait until some Range Rover-driving yuppie cunt parks up with their groceries. Run over and pretend to be on drugs and hold the knife out. Hopefully, they run and I don’t have to plunge that cold steel in them but fuck me dead, what else am I supposed to do?”
“Maybe, I should just go back to Mum and Dad’s up in the Heights? Actually, that’s a way better idea.”
More to come.
