Brunswick Man With Kombucha In One Hand And TAB Slip In Other Really Giving Out Mixed Signals

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT

A Brunswick local has caused a bit of confusion this morning.

The 29-year-old graphic designer did so when he was caught with a cherry plum Remedy Kombucha in one hand and naughty little TAB bet slip in the other.

The incident occurred in his local coffee shop, The Milked Nut, where he was caught with the two items sending out very mixed signals.

Speaking to The Advocate about the incident this morning, Aldous Huxley-Hemmingway explained that while he is morally and superficially #NupToTheCup he is actually a little bit #YupToAPunt.

“Look, obviously getting sprung by one of my colleagues with a fat bet on the big race isn’t ideal,” he began.

“I know the fact that I’m wearing a rolled up beanie that doesn’t cover my ears, sitting in a cafe the specialises in deconstructed coffee and drinking a Remedy Kombucha in Brunswick means I should probably be boycotting the race that stops a nation,” he said.

“But I’ve had enough spins around the sun on this hellish piece of space rock to know that things aren’t so black and white anymore,” he said.

“You can love your gut with a bit of kombucha, and enjoy a boxed trifecta on a horse race – as long as your inner-city leftie Melbourne friends don’t find out.”

Huxley-Hemmingway explained that he is fully appreciative of the fact he is sending out mixed signals, and his about to be roasted in the office like an organic Byron Bay coffee bean after his colleague rats him out to everyone.

“I’ll just have to lie and say it was on the cricket or something and explain that Genie got confused about what the slip was for,” he said.

“And then take a phone call around 3pm and disappear for 10 minutes.”

“They’ll be right. I’ll tweet something about how fucked the Cup is and they’ll all get off my back.”

He then strolled back to his standing hot desk.