CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact
In yet another stark reminder that his new job requires him to occasionally leave the North Brisbane mortgage belt, Peter Dutton is today being dragged to another ‘cultural event’.
In 2025, January 29 marks the beginning of Lunar New Year, a celebration in many Asian cultures, including by Chinese, South Korean, Vietnamese, Singaporean, Malaysian, Filipino and Indonesian.
These celebrations will continue until February 12, when the full moon appears, signalling the year of the Snake.
But for Opposition leader Peter Dutton, this highly important cultural ritual can be summarised as ‘Chinese christmas or whatever’ – as he lets out a guttural groan in his office this morning.
“Can’t believe is part of the job now” he growls to his staffers.
“Last election we were talking about being at war with these people, now I have to go and shake their hands and pose for photos?”
Dutton’s advisors ask him to please keep that kind of rhetoric behind closed doors, and certainly not online.
Dutton again asks why does he have to go to this thing. His advisors remind him that Scott Morrison lost about 4-5 seats last election after upsetting Chinese-Australians with broad stereotyping and race-baiting.
“So what. Surely we can make up those votes elsewhere with my kind of Australians” says Dutton.
His advisors once again have to painstakingly explain to the leader of the Liberal Party that Chinese ancestry made up 5.5% of all Australians last census, and that our nation has a historic relationship with the diaspora, going back to early settlement.
“Damn you Malcolm Fraser” scowls Dutton, as he puts on his blazer, and calls his driver to pick up.
“No doubt I’ll have to do the same for the Indians when they start throwing flowers around”
“Whatever happened to winning an election on keeping people like this OUT of Australia. Now I’ve gotta pretend I want them IN”
His advisors tell him to please be on his best behaviour in front of the Chinese-Australian community leaders, and please not do the broken english ‘Chinese voice’ when ordering a meal.
