ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Popular backbencher Barnaby Joyce told reporters this morning that he’s actively planning an armed robbery today after learning that even if he gets caught, he won’t lose his job on the spot.
Mr Joyce, who explained to reporters a few years ago that his salary wasn’t enough to garnish his lifestyle, is said to be putting together a crack team comprising of other financially-challenged MPs to do over a bank or even a TAB.
“Right now, we’re just deciding our roles in the heist,” Joyce told our reporter today via telephone.
“I think George Christensen would be a good driver. I don’t think he’s got it in him to shoot a guard or a cop if they get in our way. I’m also not confident that the Prime Minister would let George sit in Parliament if he shot and killed a policeman during an armed robbery. I was thinking our old friend Andrew Broad might be a good stick up guy, he’s got nothing to lose,”
“Matt Canavan would be good too as a stick up guy but I’m the leader. I’ll be the bagman. I’ll vault the counter and get the manager to open the safe. But ah, yeah. I don’t think I could shoot anyone,”
“Well, maybe if Tony Windsor was in the bank and decided to be a hero. He’d get a quick Adler blast in the knee if he tried anything funny. I’d feel pretty guilty afterwards but I’d also have a couple hundred grand in folding stuff so it wouldn’t be that bad.”
Our reporter asked Mr Joyce if Scott Morrison would let him still represent the people of the New England from the Glen Innes Correctional Centre.
“Oh, of course,” he laughed.
“You simply cannot be fired from this bloke’s government.”
More to come.
