ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Australia’s youth-orientated broadcaster has committed to buy every remaining coal-fired power station in the country today after yesterday’s Hazelwood controlled demolition out-rated their most-popular show.
The Hazelwood power plant demolition yesterday attracted well over a million viewers around the country on a number of different mediums and platforms, something largely unseen in broadcast television today.
Due to a myriad of reasons, the demolition was postponed several times before finally being brought down around noon.
And that facet of yesterday’s broadcast has caught the attention of Channel 10’s useless senior executive team.
“I know we said earlier this month that we had no money left to pay our staff at 10 Daily, well, now you know that was just a bald-faced lie. We have power station money,” said Network Ten executive David Hesse, a bloated Brisbane-based coke pig who works for Channel 10 solely to feed his habit and pay for his kid’s private schooling.
“I’d let a thousand young journalists starve for another bottle of Coonawarra over lunch, I’ll tell you that for free,”
“But power stations! What a ratings bonanza! Imagine that. We blow up a fucking power station a week for ten weeks. We honey dick people along, put in ad breaks just when you think the explosion is about to go. Like full on dramatise it a bit. Get some blokey money-grubbing cunt in there to host it, some dumb fuck ex-sports star or some washed up, leather face goon like David Hasselhoff. He’d sell me a jar of hot piss for $20 and guess what, you fucking cunt, I’d fucking buy it, too! I’d fucking drink the shit! I’d call the fucking waiter over and I’d throw it on him! Guess what, Jack?! You’ve got Big Hoff’s piss all over you! Now fuck off!”
Our reporter attempted to steer the phone conversation back to MasterChef and Network Ten’s plan to blow up power stations but David was more keen on telling this masthead what he’d do with the hot jar of urine.
More to come.
