RORY SALAZAR | Finance | CONTACT
Geopolitical sports pundits have declared that China’s 11 ballistic missiles that missed Taiwan was the worst back-handed volley since Mark ‘the Scud’ Philippoussis.
The Advocate has investigated the claim by reviewing the tape of the 11 missiles in flight.
Comparing the footage with several hours of tape from the Scud’s frustrating tennis career, it confirmed that the Scud’s back-hand volley and the volley of missiles do share similarities in the sense that they always tend to land in the middle of nowhere.
Witnesses claim that at the peak of the missile’s trajectory they seemed to turn away from Taiwan, in effect doing what the Scud did at the peak of his tennis career and lose interest in whatever it was they originally had set out to achieve.
To hear one side of the story, The Advocate spoke via wireless telephone to the Scud himself, who ironically earned the nickname out of respect for his fearsome missile-like serve.
“They were probably closer to the target than my backhand volley,” laughed the 2003 Wimbledon finalist who has aged like a fine wine.
As Chinese officials eavesdropped on the Scud making those veiled criticisms of Chinese military technology through the man’s Oppo device in real-time, the Chinese Embassy released a statement condemning the action soon after.
“Such provocation from the crazed hyena Scuds Philippoussis and the finger-pointing on China’s justified actions to safeguard state sovereignty and territorial integrity is unequivocally condemned and firmly opposed with a jarring form of written English to discomfit the other side psychologically.”
While the dust appears to have since settled over this story, the exact motives behind why China would send missiles flying over Taiwan in the first place remain unclear.
This is because no one in Taiwan or Australia or the USA or any part of the western world has ever done anything wrong or provocative towards China according to every SkyNews report.
More to come.
