LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
While pitiful to begin with, the Christmas decorations hanging in a French Quarter share house are a constant reminder to all five housemates that none of them can ever be assed to invest their own time into improving their living conditions.
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As February rolls in, it is becoming clear all housemates are aware the decorations are still there, including a half-sized synthetic Christmas tree, tinsel wrapped playfully around the ageing bannisters and a bunch of rotting herbs hanging above the doorway as a woeful mistletoe substitute.
The original decorator has found to be Hannah Bins from the front room, who thought adding some festive cheer would improve the sharehouse on a day all of them would be out of town visiting their parents.
“Yeah I bought the decorations and put them up but no one offered to help me or chip in for the decorations so I’m not taking them down. My work here is done.”
Outraged by the decorations is unofficial occupant and fulltime coach surfer Joel Womack, that admits he spends the most time in the shared space but states he was against the decorations from the get-go.
“It’s a pagan holiday anyway. I’m an atheist so you can see how this is all pretty offensive to me. Plus, nowhere in The Bible does it say anyone has to cover their walls in glittery shit from Go-Lo. Nah, piss off, I’m not touching it.”
Oddly silent during the debate is longest staying housemate and only tenant with his name on the lease Oscar Rose, who states Christmas decorations are an issue as old as the holiday itself.
“They must not argue over who will take it down for it is a pointless battle I have seen divide households time and time again. Am I going to clean it? Fuck no.”
