EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact
An overly anxious woman has discovered that the whole ‘opposites attract’ thing might not actually result in a healthy relationship, after finding herself involved with a bloke who has never second guessed a decision in his life, it’s reported.
The chronic nail picker, Maeve Hawthorn, 28, says she’d initially thought having a super laidback boyfriend would be like ‘having a human weighted blanket’, but that, in reality, it’s just left her feeling more misunderstood than ever, and resulted in a vicious cycle of being anxious about something, ‘Paul’ getting frustrated by her anxiety, and then her getting anxious that he’s frustrated by her anxiety.
Speaking to our reporter as she mindlessly picks at a loose flap of skin next to her thumb, a sad looking Maeve explains that Paul doesn’t really get the whole ‘overthinking thing.’
“I don’t think he’s over-thought anything in his life”, says Maeve, “he just…makes decisions and doesn’t really think of the consequences.”
“You know how in Avengers Infinity War, Dr Strange explores 14 million future timelines to see if the avengers could win?”
“That’s me, but with all the potential repercussions of my decisions.”
Speaking to Paul, our reporter discovers that he is equally baffled by his partner.
“It blows my mind. She can’t even have a sick day off without drafting out a text message several times.”
“I try to rationalise and ask ‘what’s the worst that can happen?’”
“Apparently using one of the sick days she’s entitled to use will result in her getting fired.”
“How the fuck does she come to that conclusion?”
More to come
