ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
In a feat of remarkable composure, Sydney Lord Mayor Clover Moore today declared that the city has only improved since she took office in 2004, managing to keep a straight face despite mounting evidence to the contrary.
Moore, who turns 79 this year—making her older than Donald Trump and the same age as Bob Katter—praised the City of Sydney’s transformation under her leadership, describing it as a thriving metropolis. Critics, however, argue the city has become a playground for the rich and a graveyard for culture.
Since becoming mayor, Moore has overseen Sydney’s evolution into what many describe as a boomer utopia. Once-vibrant inner-city neighbourhoods have been replaced by sterile high-rises for investors and gorgeously renovated terrace houses for the grey-haired downsizers, many of whom have migrated from Moore’s old stomping grounds on the Upper North Shore. The influx of affluent retirees has driven up property prices, pushing out younger residents and the working class in favour of those looking to enjoy their twilight years enjoying the vibrancy of the city with the silence of Wahroonga.
“For someone who’s been mayor for two decades, it’s impressive she can still pretend everything’s rosy,” said one long-time resident, who noted that many of the city’s cultural institutions have either closed down or been gentrified beyond recognition during Moore’s tenure.
“The only thing that’s gotten better is the number of luxury apartments. She rolled over for state Liberal government and let them sell off almost all the housing commission in the city without a fight. Any opposition she’s put up has been limp-wristed and performative at best. Oh no! Don’t send all the poor people out to Emu Plains! Nooooooo!”
“Anyway, she’ll probably win again and everything will continue to get worse for poor people. Give me another $138 parking ticket, fine mummy! Close my pub at 6pm! Turn my 5-person sharehouse into a two-bedroom luxury terrace for some surgeon! Pleeeease!!!”
Moore’s assertion that Sydney has improved rings particularly hollow for those struggling with the city’s skyrocketing cost of living. Affordable housing has become nearly extinct, public transport remains frustratingly inconsistent, and the once-lively arts scene has withered in the face of relentless development.
“Things have certainly changed,” remarked another Sydneysider.
“But it’s not all Clover’s fault? Right? It’s the evil Liberal Governments, right? Mike Baird? The hardcore Christian? He did it all, right? The federal government’s tax policy? It’s not all Clover’s fault!”
As Moore continues to tout her vision for Sydney moving into the NSW Local Elections, it seems the only ones truly benefiting are the wealthy boomers who’ve taken over the city’s inner suburbs – and their cunty fucking children who’re treading water, waiting for Dad’s left ventricle to blow out and Mum to have a fall she doesn’t get up from.
For everyone else, the infectious optimism in Sydney around the year 2000 is gone.
More to come.
