KEITH T. DENNETT | REAL LIFE | CONTACT
In news from Byrondi Bay, a local showpony is struggling to have his thirst for attention quenched today, after failing to wow a small crowd at the beach.
Ziggy Julia-Stone, a 28-year-old jiu-jitsu coach who only moved to the North Coast from Fitzroy back in February, was spotted strutting out of the freezing waters of Main Beach in a pair of saggy speedos at 6:30am this morning.
Taking his sweet time to lap up the scent of his own winter bravery, Ziggy spent several minutes on the sand dripping wet, while he pumped out a few downward dogs and snot-rocketed out some clumps of green ooze from his nostrils.
And yet despite his efforts, The Advocate can confirm all but six people were around to witness his Logie award winning performance for “Best Morning Wellness Routine”.
“What’s he doing out there, he’s only going to catch a hypothermia,” one early dog walker told our reporter.
“He’s just dying for one of us to ask how cold it was, isn’t he?” added another.
Stamping the performance with a chaotic sequence of rhythmic breathing peppered with some wolf howls, Ziggy went full shaman on the shores of Bryon Bay.
Yet after speaking to some veteran ocean swimmers, The Advocate can report Ziggy’s performance was nothing more than a laugh to a squad of leather skinned regulars who’ve swam together every morning since 2002.
“Get in and get out, that’s always been my motto,” local retiree Glenn Haven told our reporter, as he nonchalantly towelled himself down in the car park.
“I’m 65, I swim every day for my arthritis, but you don’t see me carrying on like a street performer.”
