LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
A new patriotic beer has released to market today providing an alternative to beers like Hawke’s Lager and Albo Ale that seem content on venerating left wing politicians.
Thankfully, conservatives of Australia can now enjoy a refreshing glass of beer that pays tribute to one of their icons with the launch of Howard’s Brewing.
Based in the Old City District, Howard’s Brewing was started by Garland Vanderton (29) and Algernon Kensinghart (32) when they wanted to take their Young Liberal friends for a drink at a brewery but couldn’t find one that wasn’t incredibly offensive to their lifestyle.
“Could you imagine father’s face if he found out we’d been at a venue with a gender neutral bathroom?” asked Vanderton, as he showed us to the bathroom block clearly labelled ‘Male’, ‘Female’, and ‘Refugee’.
“Don’t go in that last one unless you want to break two legs and get arrested.”
Prime Minister from 1996 to 2007, John Howard is remembered for his anti-refugee stance, supporting the USA in Iraq, taking our guns away, being in charge during certain economic times (which may or may not have been a result of record resources boom) and for a pair of the all-time bodacious eyebrows.
For Vanderton and Kensinghart, the idea of naming an Aussie brewery after Howard was an obvious one as he was the PM they can first remember and as their dads were always travelling for work, the former PM is much like a father figure to them too.
“We just want to pay tribute to the great man,” stated Kensinghart, pouring a Workchoices Weisse into a schooner bearing Howard’s image.
“He is way more involved in beer than people realise. Did you know you can blame him for about $2.50 of every schooner you’ve ever bought in a pub?”
The sit-in brewery features metal furniture made from reclaimed automatic rifles, mad cunt dj sets and a menu featuring custom loaded fries allowing you to decide what toppings go on your fries and the cicrumstances on which they come.
“As a bonus feature, a percentage of the profits go towards a cause very dear to Johnno’s heart; the GST.”
“Try our low alcohol beer, it’s really weak. We call it Howard’s Bowling Ale.”
