TRACEY BENDIGNER | Society | Contact
Local man Adam Smithfield has today found himself in a different kind of drought to the one that his farming family have been in for the past 10 years.
After upping his Tinder search radius to 100km, poor Adam has already run out of potential romantic rendezvous in just 35 seconds of beginning his search.
Usually the type to have at least 3 women on the go at once, the sheer lack of population and the ruling out of previous flames has left the young stud in no man’s land.
“What am I supposed to do?” He rhetorically asked our reporter.
“I’m here for 5 days and I’m not going to get a single root”
“How does everyone in this town survive?”
According to one local woman who wished to remain nameless, Adam is a bit of a dud root anyway.
“I don’t know why he’s got so many tickets on himself, he was so shit in the sack”
“I told everyone, that’s probably why he hasn’t matched with anyone, no one is swiping right on him [haha]”
While the old lovers sabotage techniques may be a factor in Adam’s bad luck, the fact that he’s in the middle of nowhere is also a huge factor.
With 4.5 days remaining at home, our thoughts and prayers are with Adam during this trying time.
More to come.
