ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A city worker, who is better than the majority of his colleagues for packing a lunch, has once again failed to sell the positives of being frugal by showcasing yet another pathetic attempt at a midday meal.
Forking his way through the leftovers of a weekend roast, Dominic Hartwell, an associate robot at
“Barefoot says people who never pack a lunch are destined to be poor and lifetime renters,” said the 34-year-old lisping Scorpio.
“But sometimes I get a Pad Thai using money from my splurge account! I am human, after all!
“My coworkers often comment about how nice my food smells. Which is nice, but back to what I was saying! I don’t know how people spend ten or twenty dollars a day on lunch? Madness!”
However, a number of Dom’s colleagues were prepared to go on record and say they’re not in the business of punishing themselves each day with the week-old leftovers of some failed attempt at a Jamie Oliver 30 Minute autofellatio recipe.
One of those was Alice Dearden, who looks over at Dom’s cubicle each day around one to see him hoovering up something disgusting.
“You can get lunch at a number of places around here for $10,” she said.
“I mean, fuck me dead. Just enjoy life a little bit, Dom. Guess what I had for lunch today? Spicy tuna sushi, a seaweed salad, two glasses of bin end Chardonnay and four Marlboro Reds! Do you know why? Because it’s fucking glorious,”
“But each to their own, I guess. Dom puts milk in his tea, though. People who do that need to be guillotined in the street for the benefit of society. I’m sorry, I’m just a bit jazzed from lunch. But you get what I’m saying right?”
Our reporter said they did.
More to come.
