ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Betoota Heights locals were left questioning the merits of the Youth Mobility Scheme this morning after encountering the latest addition to the local high street.
A young Englishman aggressively raising awareness for a niche charity project aimed at providing cochlear implants for deaf dogs.
The young lab, described by eyewitnesses as “relentlessly chirpy” and “fucking annoying,” had reportedly come all this way just to accost shoppers as they went about their business.
“There’s annoying, and then there’s English-annoying,” grumbled one victim of the “charity mugging,” who tried to explain he had about $20 to last him until payday.
The Englishman, undeterred, responded with a rehearsed script and a forced grin as he regaled the man with anecdotes about deaf pets that felt distinctly contrived.
“Mate, we’re talking about cocker spaniels, not able to even hear themselves bark. It’s a travesty,” he said.
“Come on, money bags. Muffin the Beagle needs cochlear implants before Christmas, otherwise his owners will put him down.”
One local shopper told The Advocate they (charity muggers) always seem to be English.
“We send them some of our best and brightest, going to work in pubs and corporate law firms alike over in London,” they said.
“And in return, they send us illiterate Geordies with fake teeth. It’s not fair, is it? It’s like the First Fleet all over again.”
More to come.
