Frydenberg Assures Budget Would Be Worse If Last Government With Surplus Was In Charge

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact

As Josh Frydenberg announces 9% unemployment by Christmas and a less-festive $85.4bn budget deficit to hit $184.5bn in a year’s time, the Treasurer has taken the opportunity to remind us it would be much worse if the other mob was in charge.

Budget deficit refers to the revenue expenses of the government exceeding that of revenue receipts or a politically savvy way of saying ‘yeah, we’re running at a loss.’ 

According to Treasurer Frydenberg the budget deficit is “not as simple” and “thank fuck no one really understands how it works or we’d be fucked.” 

“We have plans to make it through this recession that totally would not have happened if not for Covid-19 and the bushfires,” laughed Frydenberg.

“But if we don’t, you should know it is all Labor’s fault. They were the ones who blew the surplus, not I said the walrus!” 

Treasurer Frydenberg then went on to present a slideshow of what the Australian economy would look like if Labor was in charge. It included images of empty casinos, the Opera House with a Chinese flag on the side and Godzilla attacking Mackay. 

“Look at the teeth on him! That’s what Labor wants! It’s what would happen if they were in charge! Legit.”

During the presentation, Frydenberg was forced to quickly skip several slides which included real pictures of the devastation caused by the 2019-20 Black Summer bushfires.

“Who put these in here? Far out…well these obviously aren’t Labor’s fault. Bloody Greens.” 

When asked about the government surplus reported in September 2019 Frydenberg scratched his head for one minute before knocking over the mic stand and walking out through the crowd of socially distant journalists yelling ‘MOVE!’

MORE TO COME.