EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact
Local bloke John Graham has today announced that he fully plans on getting rid of every last microplastic from his testicles the old fashioned way, after reading some concerning scientific research that ‘every human testicle examined in study was found to contain microplastics.’
This research showed that microplastics entered the human body through various means, including consumption of contaminated food and water, and even through the air. Scientists are now theorising that these findings could be linked to the declining fertility in men, and not the skinny jeans era as once originally thought.
But luckily, John appears to have found a solution to this problem, stating to his wife Larissa that he ‘fully planned to get rid of ‘every single last one of them’ – lest they end up having weird plastic babies.’
“I reckon I’ve got macroplastics”, says John, with a wink, “in fact, I’ve might have a couple of Lego pieces in mine.’
“You can practically hear them shake like maracas when I run.”
Despite Larissa not giving a shit about the study, John has continued to assure her he is working his hardest to get rid of dispelling these plastics.
“We must get them out immediately, and by the simplest means possible.”
More to come.
