ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Attendance at BodyFunk 24/7 in Betoota Heights has began to recede back to mid-December levels this week to the delight of regulars and staff alike.
As is the case every year, dozens of guilt-riddled denizens of our town flock to their local gym with the belief that this year will be different for them. In mind, body and soul.
As the first fortnight of 2025 ends and a new one begins, the two-week trial memberships are seeing a lack of conversions into full-timers.
Dave Gunk, one of BodyFunk’s most regular of regulars, says this time of year is often tough for him having to wait to use machines like he’s in some sort of common Anytime Fitness or equivalent. However, as BodyFunk is a smaller independent gym, it charges a slight premium for the space their customers enjoy.
“You get them in January,” he said.
“The big boppas that get on a bike, turn the resistance to the lowest, and pedal for 40 minutes. Then get off and feel like they’ve actually put some strain on their meatsacks. They do that for a couple weeks until they have their come to Jesus moment with the management about staying on paying $31pw. Of which many say no,”
“Gyms are a dangerous place, I think a lot of them were scared off after that real estate agent did himself a mischief on the smith machine. He went a bit hard and the bar squished him like a tree frog under a boot. You should’ve seen it, all the air was pushed out of him. It was brutal. A lot of new people saw that, I’m pretty sure the bloke is still in hospital. I’d be back on the couch if I didn’t find it so funny.”
More to come.
