ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
THERE IS A CERTAIN AROMA to urine that’s gone stale inside a person, it usually smells like Tooheys White Stag passed through an old Dunlop Volley.
It’s unmistakable.
The most civilised Australians have a can of Glen20 for moments like this, for the hours after you’ve been forced to have fish soup for lunch or even the most treacle-like slash.
Cameron Tea spent most of yesterday afternoon and night on the tiles in Brisbane’s trendy Kangaroo Point district. The 24-year-old construction finance consultant blacked out at around 9pm, everything else after this is a blur.
Kicking off the afternoon’s proceedings, which started with an ice-cold pony of XXXX Gold to detach the tongue from the roof of his mouth, he ordered up to eleven bottles of McClaren Vale Grenache and four servings of hot chips for his party of four.
Tea and his chums were ejected from the Brisbane Jazz Club at approximately 4pm after Cameron was caught urinating in a bathroom sink as there was no other space to relieve himself.
Another friend, who police have named as 23-year-old Logan man Bryce Smith-Fa’osta, was detained by security and later arrested for throwing an empty wine bottle at the live band on stage, causing thousands of dollars worth of damage to a cello.
However, it wasn’t until this morning when Cameron made headlines himself.
“I woke up at like 9,” he said. “On the floor of my mate’s parents room,”
“They thought it was pretty funny, I was covered head to toe in red wine and cigarettes burns,”
“But when I went to take a leak this morning, it was thick as hell and looked like weak coffee. It smelled like George Christensen trapped me under the doona after he farted. I had to force it out like it was solid,”
“So yeah, at the end of the day, I had to use the full flush.”
