ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
In a landmark deal that’s set to redefine group assignments at the prestigious South Betoota Polytechnic College, domestic student Greta Slater has agreed to complete an entire project on behalf of her three group mates, in exchange for a tidy sum.
The arrangement, hailed as a win-win by all parties involved, sees Greta leveraging her native English skills and familiarity with academic jargon, while her teammates focus on securing the funds to ensure a smooth transaction.
“I mean, it’s just efficient. There’s no bullshit,” Greta said, smiling as she pocketed a crisp envelope of cash.
“They get a well-written assignment, and I get my rent paid for the whole month. Everyone’s happy. One of them wears Balenciaga sneakers so I’m not too worried about taking instant ramen off their table or anything.”
The trio, all studying a Bachelor of Business, have expressed their relief at the arrangement.
“Greta is really good at this kind of stuff,” said one of the group members.
“We were struggling with the language. The teacher won’t fail us either way but we still want to get a distinction.”
Another member added, “Hello.”
The orchestrator of the deal explained that they had initially tried to tackle the assignment together but quickly realised the language barrier was an issue.
“Everybody likes money,” they said.
South Betoota Polytechnic has a ‘strict policy’ on academic integrity, but Greta insists she’s operating within a grey area.
“I’m just helping out some mates,” she shrugged.
“I’d be doing the same if I was going to university overseas. They don’t even use our letters, you know. Wild.”
The deal has sparked a debate on campus about the ethics of such arrangements, with some students applauding the initiative and others questioning the morality.
“It’s a slippery slope,” said one concerned peer.
“What’s next? Paying someone to take your exams?”
Greta rejected that notion, telling The Advocate it’d be pretty obvious if she was sitting an exam for one of them.
“Taking an exam for someone, now that’d be a strong cup of cordial. Not that the university would give a shit, as long as someone’s paying, they don’t give a fuck who’s sitting the exam.”
More to come.
