Libs Target Rowdy Springbok Fans In Desperate Bid To Stir Up African Gang Problem In Wentworth

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Prime Minister Scott Morrison has warned Sydney’s Eastern suburbs voters to think “carefully” before voting for independent candidate Kerryn Phelps, after a new poll placed her far ahead of Liberal opponent Dave Sharma.

This comes as what-should-be-the-safest-Liberal-seat-in-the-country begins to indicate that it might be sick of the toxicity that saw the silver-haired saviour Malcolm Turnbull shafted by a former highway cop from Queensland and the CTE-riddled conservative faction leader from North of the Harbour, who forced the electorate into a by-election after they assasinated the career of probably the only Coalition leader that could have lead their party to a victory in next year’s election.

The poll by independent research organisation Voter Choice Project showed Mr Sharma trailing behind Dr Phelps and Labor candidate Tim Murray by about 10 and 11 points respectively. The final sample involved 736 people.

Following these concerning statistics, it appears that the Liberal Party is resorting to tactics usually reserved for swing seats, by generating fear over a supposed African crime problem.

Their only issue with this bottom of the barrel campaign play, however, is that the only visibly African-Australian residents in their electorate are actually white middle aged business owners. Most of whom do not wear hooded jumpers and blend in with the rest of the population most of the time, unless their beloved South African rugby side, the Springboks are playing.

Speaking at an ocean-side press conference in Tamarama today, Prime Minister Morrison said that he’d heard rumours that some Wentworth residents were scared to go out to dinner during Wallabies v Springboks matches, for fear of being heckled.

Dave Sharma backed up Morrison’s improvised concerns, by stating that Woollahra residents were “bemused” when they looked “at the jokes of bans being handed down [by bar staff to noisy Springboks fans] due to “political correctness that’s taken hold”.

“There’s no deterrence there at the moment” he said.

“We need to do something about this issue you didn’t know existed until it looked like we weren’t going to win back this seat that the Liberals have held in a stranglehold since Captain Cook arrived at Botany Bay” he said.

When asked what he planned to do about climate change, Dave Sharma said the Safe Schools program is exposing our children to sexually perverted ideas such as cross-dressing, and then made it clear that coal makes him horny.