KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
A local Betoota man experienced an intense wave of head noise this weekend, shocked to discover that his new crush wears the same perfume as his evil high school French teacher.
Standing in the bathroom of Betoota’s new noughties themed cocktail bar, ‘The Lime & Wire’, Adam Wilton (25) is reported to be composing himself after realising his hot date has sprayed herself with the nauseating scent on Year 9 French lessons.
Unsure whether to simply bail out the back door or attempt to sit through two rounds of polite drinks, Wilton told our reporter that he was struggling to fathom how he could continue a romance with someone who’s fragrance instilled him with nothing but fear.
“Her name is Lucy, I’ve been texting her for weeks but now I can’t drop the ick!” admitted Wilton.
“How can I possibly consider dating someone that smells exactly like the torment of the worst year of my life.”
“I was pimpled, chubby and couldn’t spell ‘croissant’ to save myself, I was so terrified one lesson I’m pretty sure that French teacher made me ‘pisse’ myself.”
Infamous for her tough stance on pronunciation and penchant for gladly ringing the parents of any students who were underperforming, The Advocate understands the teacher in question is one Mrs Toussaint-Bubois, a wildly unpopular tutor at Betoota Grove Grammar.
Still teaching, 37 years on, it’s believed Mrs Toussaint-Bubois’s daily spray of Chloe by Chloe Absolute Eau de Parfum, still haunts many ex-students to this day.
Speaking with Betoota Chemist Warehouse Manager Malcom Davies, the local business owner told The Advocate that the Chloe perfume is one of the most underperforming fragrances in store.
“It’s weird, every other franchise in Australia sells cartons of it, but not here in Betoota!”
“I’d take it off the shelf if it was up to me, but that bat-shit crazy French teacher comes in every three months, and if I don’t have it she tears me a new one!
“It’s just better to choose peace!”
