KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | Contact
A local peacock has failed to improve his dating life today, after strutting about the Betoota Ponds Fitness First in a decaying High School Rugby jersey.
The former Fly Half for the Betoota Mutttabuttasaurus, Tate Gordon (26), made the misguided decision in the hope of attracting some female attention and to remind everyone in town he once played contact sports.
Speaking with The Advocate, Gordon said the decision to slip on the cotton rep jersey was a last ditch effort to acquire some validation around the squat rack.
“Look, there’s a lotta alpha males and roid boys who like to throw their weight around in here, thought it was time I showed them all who’s King,” said Gordon.
“Sure, it’s been over 10 years since I played competitive sports and my back buckles every time I have to carry the shopping home. But that doesn’t mean I can’t relive a bit of my Schoolboy glory days and remind everyone I won a U/16’s premiership back in 2014”.
“I just copped a bunch of looks from them girls rolling into their reformer pilates class, I think I might have a few new right swipes in town if ya know what I mean…”
In contrast to his perceived expectations, The Advocate understands the move was in fact poorly received by local gym girls, who were instead repulsed by the sight of a sloppy male sweating up a storm in clothes far past their use by date.
Local fitness enthusiast and small-time TikTok influencer Keely Davis (24), said she didn’t even know why she bothered putting on makeup anymore.
“Honestly every bloke in here is so gross!”
“Here I am wearing a $200 pair of leggings with a matching top and these dickheads turn up in clothes I wouldn’t donate to Vinnies.”
“Honestly us girls invest so much money into looking good at the gym, would it hurt for them to buy their gym shorts from somewhere better than K-Mart?”
“Do you think Chris Hemsworth works out in his old School sports uniform? No, of fucking course not!”.
