KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
There was frustration in the French Quarter this morning, as a couple’s peaceful brunch was ruined by the arrival of an amateur parade of cyclists.
It’s been a tough week for the recently engaged Natasha Oat (28) and Sam Benedict (27), who had both spent the last fortnight juggling night shifts at the Betoota Base Hospital.
Excited by the opportunity to finally spend some quality time together, the couple’s much anticipated breakfast date was soured by the sound of 30 pairs of Shimano cycling shoes, tap dancing towards their favourite cafe.
“Look I’ve got nothing against people getting out and doing a bit of exercise”, said Oats.
“If you want to spend your Saturday dressed up like a fluorescent condom riding a bicycle worth more than a Kia Rio, that’s your choice!”
“But quit ruining the one hour of my weekend that I really look forward to!”
When asked about the timing of their arrival, Oats conceded they rarely had any luck avoiding the local cycling group.
“We usually try to get here before 9am, so we miss them coming in and swallowing up the place.”
“But it seems these clip clopping emus like to show up everytime I’m about to take my first mouthful of eggs. And it fucks me right off!”
“This Shakshuka is probably worth more than my hourly wage and now I’m not even hungry!”
Speaking to The Advocate on behalf of the Betoota Grove Bike Club, peloton leader and Strava enthusiast Chris Bianchi (45) expressed confusion about the local public sentiment.
“Are people annoyed at us? I didn’t even realise we were in their way!”
“We’re just a small group of 30-60 riders who take up two lanes of traffic on the weekend“
“We come in. We each order a coffee. We pay with a sweaty $5 note we’ve shoved down our pants…”
“Then we lay on the grass and air out the pins. Didn’t even think anyone noticed us to be honest?”
When asked for a comment regarding the spatially unaware cycling group, local cafe owner Graham Murray (42) declined to comment.
The Advocate is under the impression Mr Murray is himself a cyclist and currently sponsors the team.
