CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact
After roughing out 18-months of celibacy in what his mates describe as the most brutal droughts they’ve ever seen, local roofer Andy Girder (23) is looking like he might be back in the game.
Friends say they don’t know what it is that caused Andy’s brutal dry patch, but ever since he came back from a big 3-month surfing trip down the New South Wales coast, he really hasn’t found form with the opposite sex… or the same sex, not that he’s into that thing, but he’s been sleeping alone for so long a lot of people have thought about it, even him.
But all that could change tonight, because the big unit has picked himself up a pair of flash new leather boots.
As Andy’s mates sit on his balcony and have a few pre-drinks, the ultra-bachelor sits on the couch and puts on his shoes, only after applying sixteen sprays of cologne to his neck and wrists.
“Oooh lala” says one mate, Dougald.
“What’s going on here Andy? You look like Johnny Depp”
Andy, who is extremely self-conscious about the new purchase responds to any form of compliments quite aggressively.
“Fuck off dickhead!” he spits.
“You need leather shoes to get into the pubs around here”
His friends return fire.
“Ooooh Andy is back!”
At time of press, Andy’s mates were seen harmonising in an acappella rendition of American rapper 50 Cent’s 2003 classic, P.I.M.P.
