EFFIE BATEMAN | Brisbane | CONTACT
Local woman Anita Finn is better than everyone and she wants you to fucking know it.
Unlike the majority of people who’ve turned to indulgent activities such as day drinking, the full-time human, part-time yoga enthusiast has stuck to her routine of waking up at 5 am to do a home workout, which she makes sure to livestream for the odd viewer who accidentally stumbles upon it after a weekend bender.
Unfortunately, this time, Anita had just completed her last downward dog when she realised she’d forgot to turn on her phone, which she’d positioned just below her ass.
Like a tree falling down in the forest for no one to hear, a puzzled Anita mentally backtracks to see if she’d actually enjoyed the workout at all or if the endorphins she’d felt were merely a result of her exhibitionist tendencies and perpetual need to broadcast her productivity.
In an effort to save face, Anita legs it to her kitchen and spends the next thirty minutes making a homemade acai bowl that tastes like shit, before uploading a super stylised photo of it to her Instagram.
“With social distancing becoming the new way of life I’m proud to say that I’ve finally stopped going to supermarkets.”
“This current economic climate has really shown me the importance of supporting small businesses so from now on, I only eat locally sourced, organic produce – and I really encourage you all to do the same!”
“If someone told me a year ago that eating right would fix my gut micro dome I wouldn’t have believed them at all.”
“But honestly, painstakingly watching everything I put into my body and getting into yoni mapping has truly changed my life.”
“If you want to find out more about the benefits of holistic therapy you can find a link in my bio x.”
