KEITH T. DENNETT | REAL LIFE | CONTACT
In breaking news from a Betoota pub, a local bloke has sworn off inhaling mango flavoured battery acid, it can be reported.
Blaire Milton (32) has for the past three years been a reliable supplier of vapes to her mates, and is always good for passing around a pineapple scented USB stick whenever the girls get together for an afternoon savvy b.
But after arriving to knock-off beers today with no electronics in his pocket, Blaire has stated his vape addiction is no more.
“Nah I’m off em!” Blaire declared, after one of her tightass friends asked if she had one handy.
“They’re just not good for you, and terrible for the environment,” she added, a line she’s been dishing out since developing a crush on a herbal girl she met on Hinge.
After swilling down her final dregs of wine, Blaire proceeded to pull out a cute lolly tin from her puffer jacket, and offer up her new vice to her mates, Zyn pouches.
Packed with nicotine, flavourings, sweeteners, and plant-based-based fibers, shoving Zyn pouches or “lip pillows” under one’s gums is reportedly the latest nicotine fuelled craze that’s sweeping the nation.
Despite being unlawful to sell, buy or advertise in Australia, except without a prescription from a medical practitioner, the pouches have been illegally flooding into the country in 2024, with over 1.3 million pouches being confiscated by border officials since January.
But given anyone in the nation can simply walk into a un-branded convenience store and score a cherry or peppermint flavoured pillow, Blaire’s just one of many Betootan’s who’s enjoying staining her teeth on the daily.
“They’re way better for you than vaping!” she declared, as she passed around the tin to her mates like a grandma passes hard boiled lollies to her obese grandchildren.
“Only downside is there’s not as many flavours, but my cousin works in border security and he reckons there’s better ones coming!”
More to come.
