LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
With nearly half of Australians in some sort of related lockdown, many are struggling with the hedonistic luxury of spending a lot of time in bed in a desperate attempt to feel some vague form of control over their life.
One such sleep gambler, Gabriel Simon (42) of Betoota Heights, has complained of sleep-related problems ever since he was told not to come to work and elected to wake up every morning between 10 or 11 am.
According to Simon the most frustrating of his sleep-related problems is undoubtedly the 2nd wind of energy he seems to be getting every time he lays his head on his pillow for a good night’s rest.
“I’m slow and sluggish all day, most of the time I don’t even have the energy to skip YouTube ads,” stated Simon as he spent another locked down day molding the couch to his specific shape.
“But the moment I decide to end another day of falling down weird video rabbit holes, I put my head on the pillow and suddenly get the energy to run a marathon.”
“Thanks a lot Dandrews.”
Doctor of Sleep Science at Betoota University, Dr Jelena Vucovic, states that the pinga like sensation that comes from attempting to get some kip derives from the frustration of getting nothing done that day, combined with the tragic knowledge that tomorrow will be exactly the same.
“When we spend the day vaping on the couch watching tattooed Englanders swear and root on a beach we really don’t give our brain a lot of work to do. That’s why when 11 pm rolls around you’re suddenly filled with the energy to stay up all night to try and find a shred of meaning in this world.”
MORE TO COME.
