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A once-in-a-lifetime surfing road trip has been met with a dampener today, as one naive southerner quickly learns that not every coastal community is as docile and affectionate as the more chilled towns below the Tweed River.
Hailing from Mollymook on the NSW South Coast, Taj Curren (28) has been travelling north with his best mates since September, in search of their own endless summer.
The cannabis has been blazing and the barrels have been green, as he boys pinball from the cold waters of the Illawarra to their final destination: the elusive surf break of Agnes Water and 1770.
However, as they reach the halfway point of this adventure, it has become clear that the boys better grow some thick skin – and fast.
During a toilet break at a roadside super centre in Coolangatta this arvo, Taj took it upon himself to sort the boys out for coffees in the food court.
It was here that he realised that they had officially entered the great state of Queensland.
“What can I get you soft cock?” asked the barista, before the entire venue’s floor staff began roaring with laughter.
“What?” asks a puzzled Taj.
“Coffee? Do you want one, or are you just gonna stand there looking like a One Direction reject?”
The laughter continues to grow louder, with fellow customers now starting to join in.
“No… What? Umm” Taj fumbles with his words.
“What did you call me?”
Another barista pipes up.
“He called you a soft cock. Either that or your as blind as your barber”
The entire venue of transient Queensland motorists are now hysterical with laughter, as Taj gets roasted by two hospitality professionals who do not seem to care about his money.
“That haircut, mate. The fuck is going on?” says a fellow patron, attempting to translate the banter for this innocent Southerner.
Taj is still puzzled, attempts to change the subject away from his boldly youthful hairstyle.
“Just four oat lattes please bro” says Taj.
His very soft cock order does not make things better.
The first barista pipes back up.
“This has gotta be an act. Are you kidding me?”
“Oh my god he’s not BAHAHAHAHHAHA”
“Yeah sure thing BRO”
“I can get you that BRO”
Taj is now experiencing a fight-or-flight impulse, but realises he can’t do shit in the face of this uniquely intense culture clash.
“Wouldn’t expect anything less of a man in a plum shirt. You get dressed in the dark this morning or what mate?”
The laughter does not stop until Taj is out of earshot, briskly power-walking towards the car park with his soft cock coffees.
