CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
The free state of Melbourne city is facing an unexpected shortage of recyclable novelty furniture, as cafe owners say they can’t possibly justify buying another crate of milk that will be poured down the sink.
“It’s a real issue” says one local hospopreneur, Banjo Clementè (35).
“Almond milk and macadamia milk don’t come in crates. They come in four litre alfoil plastic cartons”
“So there’s nowhere for us to get our hands on milk crates, to use as seats, obviously.”
With the demand of milk crates now outweighing the demand of actual milk in the city’s entitlement belt of Melbourne’s inner and outer-inner Northern suburbs, cafe owners are worried they are going to have to start using old pickled onion tins as uncomfortably low and potential rusted outdoor seating.
“But yeah, it’s sending a wrong message to dairy farmers to buy such large volumes of milk that we are only ordering so we can steal the crates they come in and putting a cushion on them” says Clementé.
“Look I realise the milk is cheap as piss, but that’s not the point..”
“I don’t wanna dairy farmers thinking their animal torturing produce is popular with customers at the KillJoy & Opinion cafe”
