ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
The many florists and restaurants of Melbourne just counting their lucky stars today after the Andrews Government shut the economy for the next five days after the Super Spicy Cough jumped the fence down there.
One Chapel Street restaurant owner said he was fully booked for the next three days but now that Dan Andrews has called a lockdown, that’s all gone to shit.
“We would’ve been so busy. Like if you’ve ever worked in a restaurant or a pub and its’ really busy, you know how fucking shit it is,” they said.
“Now, I can just put my feet up at home and put this week’s rent on my fucking credit card. Yahoo,”
“Thanks Dan. Not for calling the lockdown, but for dropping the fucking ball again! Another holiday into the depths of my own brain.”
Echoing the sentiments of that cheerful young go-getter, a florist from the northside of Melbourne just laughed when our reporter asked what her weekend looked like.
“Oh, it was going to be slow anyway so this is actually pretty convenient,” she said.
“Lucky I took the bins out last night because the cunts will be full of dead flowers on Wednesday,”
“I know I sound angry and ungrateful but fuck, it’s either this butterfingers of that fat grammar school fuck from Kew. Fuck me, I mean, no wonder people took the chance to get out of here. I’d take Mildura over this.”
More to come.
