LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
In a roll of the dice, Prime Minister Scott Morrison has deliberately got himself trapped in the supernatural board game Jumanji in his most brazen effort to avoid the media yet.
Popularised by the eponymous 1995 film starring Robin Williams, Jumanji centres around a mysterious riddle telling board game with the ability to release dangerous flora and fauna with each turn making it slightly preferable to Risk.
“I prefer the remakes with the Big Rock and the Little Rock,” stated Mr Morrison, as he fiddled with the cursed game, pausing to peek out the window at the growing press who are still somehow expecting he will answer just one of their questions.
“Alan was in there for 26 years. 26 years. You could watch a lot of footy uninterrupted during that time!”
The Prime Minister then proceeded to play Jumanji with himself, informing our reporter he could not ‘have a go’ even though he wanted a go.
After releasing a plague of carnivorous locusts, a croc infested tidal wave and a practical effects gorilla that unfortunately does not hold up by today’s standards, Mr Morrison finally got his wish and was sucked into the game leaving the press stumped and answerless.
“Tell Jenny ‘how good!’” said Mr Morrison, as his body began spiralling into the centre of the game as if it were made of smoke.
“No one roll a five or eight!”
At the time of writing, the PMs office refuses to confirm that Mr Morrison is stuck in a jungle world full of unspeakable terror, likely trembling under a rock after being forced to urinate on himself to keep warm but satisfied that he doesn’t have to talk about what happened.
