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Scott Morrison has today responded to claims that he has confused Matthew Flinders with Captain Cook in about six different press conferences over the last week, by announcing a new tribute to the first white man that wasn’t Dutch to discover Australia.
“Flinders, Cook, First Fleet, same shit [haha]” said Morrison.
“You know what I mean… Anyway. New idea.”
“We are going to send some of the mine blast technicians from Mt Isa out to Uluru to see if we can change the shape of the south face of the rock”
“Make it look more like Captain Cook. Should be mad”
The 250th anniversary of Captain James Cook’s travels through Australia and the Pacific will be marked by a series of events and a retracing his voyages, but will surprisingly not include the part where the Hawaiians turned his head inside out with spears after he walked past the tide lines at Kealakekua Bay after being specifically warned not to.
As part of the $50 million dedicated to these types of kitsch celebrations of colonial era England, the Austraian government will spend $6.7 million to sail the replica of the Endeavour around the country next year to mark the anniversary of Captain James Cook arriving in Australia, which most conservatives think is what Australia Day is all about.
Arts Minister Mitch Fifield says the Mount Rushmore-style tribute to Captain Cook on Uluru is a great way of spending money before their government inevitably loses at the next election.
“Who cares” he said.
“Arts are boring anyway. I wanted to be Minister for Police or Defence or something cool with guns”
“At least I get to see fireworks and dynamite and shit in this job I suppose”
Works for me.