FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact
A special investigation has been established by a Task Force staffed exclusively by Mum after mysterious oil stains appeared in the bathroom sink over the weekend.
Although an early lead suggested Dad was the culprit, his denial of any knowledge of the stains and unverified claim that he was not in the vicinity at the time of the incident has lead to the formation of Task Force Jif which has set up headquarters in the kitchen.
In a move that has alarmed civil liberties groups, mum has issued the Task Force with previously unheard-of powers, including the power to strip search residents of the house and detain them in the laundry for periods of up to 3 years without charge.
Claims that manacles have been fastened to the Ironing Board are being investigated but to date all requests by UN Human Rights Inspectors to enter the new multi-purpose clothes washing and detainment facility have been denied.
In a low-key press conference at the dinner table, Mum said it was not a matter of if the mystery would be solved, but when.
“We will get to the bottom of this” she vowed, “because I only cleaned that sink this morning, and if you guys think I’m prepared to spend half an hour cleaning the bathroom for someone to come in and get oily crap all over the sink by cleaning their greasy hands in the bathroom instead of the laundry, then you are sadly mistaken.”
“You may have noticed the sink is now missing from the bathroom; it has been sent to the lab for forensic analysis as part of the investigation. I urge the culprit to immediately come forward, because you will be found eventually, and justice will be served.”
In other news, Dad says the lawnmower is now fixed.
